By Chris Sutton
Catching Lightning Bugs in a jar on a late summer evening atdusk! The earthy smell of the country during a late eveningdrive! The first kiss with that special someone you just knewwas THE one! The first time you held that new-born baby!Memories...they can make us sigh. They can make us laugh. Theycan make us cry. We cherish those memories and we hold them dear.
BUT, what about those memories that aren't so happy? Far toomany people have memories they would like to forget. Let me tellyou a story to illustrate my point...
Once there were two brothers and they grew up together in afamily that was very harsh and critical. They were physicallyabused and slaps in the face were a common occurrence. Theirfather was an adulterer and an alcoholic. Their mother was anemotional wreck and she was a very angry person. She would,sometimes, pull a large knife out of a drawer and she wouldthreaten to kill one of them if they didn't stop acting up.
These boys grew up being told how sorry they were and how theywould never amount to anything. If they cried for any reason,they would get backhanded across the face and told they weresissies. Any sign of a tear was ridiculed and made-fun-of! Theywere not allowed to cry.
When they were punished, it would be with a belt, or razorstrap, and they would be beaten until they had bloody stripesacross their backs and legs. When they went to school, theirparents wrote them excuses to get them out of P.E. so no onewould see the evidence of their abuse.
The fights between their mother and father were quite terrible.They would hide in the hall closet and listen to the raging andcursing coming from the violent fights. Both parents had violenttempers and they would explode without any reason.
You see, we can't choose the kind of environment in which we areraised. We can't choose the kind of parents we have. We can'tavoid a lot of the things which happen to us in life. BUT, weCAN choose how we react to those things!
You DO NOT have to be an angry person! You DO NOT have to be socritical of everything! You DO NOT have to hold a grudge againstanyone! You DO NOT have to be a bad parent! You DO NOT have tobe a bad spouse! If you are any of those things, YOU have chosento do that! But, you can choose not to do those things anylonger! Let me give you five things to help you overcomestumbling blocks that have crippled you emotionally in yourlife...
1. Learn Forgiveness! You are not responsible for the thingsthat have been done to you but you ARE responsible for how youchoose to react to those things. Learn to forgive those who havewronged you. An unforgiving heart only hurts you, not the onewho wronged you. Most of the time, they don't even KNOW you aremad and angry. You will, truly, be surprised how good life canbe after you set that grudge down and never pick it up again!
2. Learn to Like Yourself! People who experience unwholesomethings in their life always experience from low self-esteem.Somehow, it is THEIR fault. Somehow, THEY were the cause of it!They believe all the cruel things that were said about them.Learning to overcome low self-esteem is a whole book in itselfand we will get to writing it some time, but for now, justremember, you ARE NOT who other people say you are. You are whoYOU choose to be and you should choose to be the person whoalways takes the higher road. You ARE a good person!
3. Learn to Speak Only the Truth! "Man, am I stupid!" "I'llnever be a success!" "I'll never be as pretty as her!" Wrong!Wrong! Wrong! That is low self-esteem talking and you need tostop that right now! We bring into action those things which wespeak out loud so you should only say positive things. Did youknow your mind believes what it is told over and over again?That is where your low self-esteem comes from. You were toldthings over and over until you started believing them. Well, youcan make HUGE changes in your life by what you tell yourselfnow! Pay attention to what you say and make changes wherenecessary. This will make a huge difference in your life.
4. Learn to Stop Being Critical! YOU don't like having lowself-esteem so why are you giving it to your kids, spouse oranyone else? Think of the impact you are having on otherpeople's lives. Words are a VERY powerful thing so you shoulduse them wisely. Just like everything else, what you say topeople is a choice YOU make. Choose to be uplifting. Choose tobe complimentary. Choose to speak words of caring and love.Remember what I said about bringing into action those thingswhich we speak out loud? It is VERY important that you chooseyour words carefully. Get into the habit of thinking about whatyou are going to say instead of just blurting out somethingreactively.
5. Learn to Walk a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes! Now stop that!You know it's just an expression! Seriously, try to see thingsfrom the other person's perspective. You will be well on yourway to enjoying life when you can look at things from anotherperson's point-of-view. You will find yourself becoming lessangry. You will find yourself becoming less judgmental. You willfind yourself viewing life with a freshness you have never knownbefore. Actually, you will find yourself!
You see, it's not the environment we are raised in thatdetermines who we are. It's not what our parents are like thatdetermines who we are. It's certainly not what people say aboutus that determines who we are! We are who we CHOOSE to be. Somepeople live their whole lives blaming their present on theirpast. What a sad and wasted life that must be! Instead ofblaming your parents, forgive them! Instead of blaming yourpoverty, learn from it! Instead of blaming your physicaldisabilities, overcome them!
Oh, I almost forgot about those two boys in the story. Whateverhappened to them you ask? One of them went to college, got hisdoctorate degree and he is now a Chaplain at Baylor MedicalCenter in Dallas, Texas. The other one just wrote this article
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